An open letter to Corporate America

As I sit here in my bed, just hours after being laid off, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my gorgeously tanned shoulders. I had been employed at this marketing agency for just under two months when I got pulled into an HR meeting and walked out with two weeks severance pay and a kick to the curb. 

Immediately after I got the offer letter, I was worried. I had worked in an office before and felt stunted, unfulfilled, and bored so I was anxious this job would be the same. My mom asked me about 17 times if I was “excited” and one night over a glass of wine I broke it to her that I was in fact not. I was worried I wouldn’t fit in, wouldn’t be accepted, and wouldn’t find good people. She assured me I would find my footing.

Spoiler Alert: No corporate job is like the movies. You will not be having office romances, or eating lunch with your friends without checking the clock. Your outfits won't be like The Devil Wears Prada as hard as you try. I thought that being able to post about my shiny new job on Linkedin would be enough to will me through corporate life.

My first week on the job I tried to make a good impression. Being lighthearted, funny, friendly; all the things I had relied on in the past to make people like me and put my best foot forward. In the end, it only bit me in the ass. I ruffled feather after feather and felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I met the CMO and told him he had nice teeth; you would have thought I complimented his ass. I was accused of “rolling my eyes” during a zoom training session - what is this, fourth grade? I was scolded for having my coffee with a friend for ten minutes in the morning. I understand productivity goals - but who are we kidding?

Things kept building and building and I was crying more days than not. I felt rejected. I had made so much progress in accepting myself and being confident in who I am just for it to all come crumbling down because of some idiots in corporate America. 

I couldn’t help but think about this boy Jacob. I never met Jacob but I know all about him and who he was. He was my sister’s friend’s brother and he passed away the day after my birthday last year. I knew of him because my sister had spent some time with their family. He was a smartie pants that went to Wisconsin and Duke, worked at a space company in Northern California and had a girlfriend and a loving family. Jacob always made time for the people he loved and the things he enjoyed all while being an exceptional person and jew. He inspires me everyday and I think of him often. 

The reason I brought him up is that following the shockwaves of his death, I really took a hard look at my life and realized how insignificant so many trivial things are. Things that used to ruin my days and make me irrationally angry now have little control over me. I would constantly remind myself of the things that truly matter, and with that the constant worries would fade into the background like elevator music. 

With this job, I really questioned my worth. They made me question if I was smart, talented, kind, compassionate, the list goes on. All things I have come to believe about myself were all thrown out the window by some fuckfaces that live in conference rooms. 

Don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot and made some lifelong friends. Trauma bonding will really do that in under two months. The moral of this diary entry is; don't take life too seriously. I know its incredibly easy to forget sometimes, but life isn't about crunching numbers and eating lunch at your desk. It’s about relationships, getting to know the people around you and making them feel heard and seen. People will go their whole lives without truly living. By living I don't mean jumping off hot air balloons or traveling to far off destinations. I mean making those around you feel valued and really finding a place and people that make you feel valued for everything that you are - even if that is a lot. 

Corporate America is just not my calling, and that's okay. It is also totally okay if you love corporate America, I wish I did. But I am truly not built to “keep my head down” and “work for the man”. 

One thing I really loved about working there were the gems that I found common ground with and I will cherish them forever. I hope I run into them in the future and reminisce about the “old times” before my big break. Okay now I'm just manifesting. Sorry again for rambling and please don't think I wasn’t grateful for being employed because I was, however I am more grateful for the lessons. If you know anyone who is hiring hot women who are funny, send them my resume.